Turn brief moments into perpetualty;

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I turn off the time to wake up before the alarm clock ressounds
I don't know why but I can already remember you
I wonder if, before I know it, I'll forget even the miracle of being able to meet you for one hundred minutes
Will I end up forgetting even that I've forgotten?

Heavenly days, in the room in the pocket of my heart
I look for your vanished warmth
Even if there's no way to feel you ever again, ah
I'm locking up those days that are still a bit warm

Tired of walking, I sat down and was at a loss, if you were with me
We could have talked about something like our unbearable dream's fate
I couldn't say it by the ticket barrier, I wanted to say
that I feel "Thank you" are maybe words much sadder than "goodbye"

Heavenly days, I wonder if I could smile properly
At the scene of our last kiss, I couldn't even grasp your shivering hands, not even my tears fell, ah
Now that it's too late, they overflow when I'm alone

Heavenly days, in the room in the pocket of my heart
I look for your vanished warmth
Even if there's no way to feel you ever again, ah
Even if I stretch out my hands, you're not here anymore
I'll walk on under a new light

So slow
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
11:40 PM

I can't believe it is not even a month since I came back. China seems so long ago. And even Batam trip last few weeks seem so long ago. Losing count of the days, sleep and exhaustion, I do not know what kinda days I have been through. There wasn't a day where I do not have to fight sleep to wake up in the morning, concentrate at work, listen in class or even when hanging out with people. Finding myself uninterested with the matters of the world, and taking days to finally realise I didn't reply messages, sooner or later, I will be disengaged with the world. And it is just the beginning and nothing exceptionally busy started yet. i didn't think i have pushed myself to my limits mentally and physically this time, but the little sleep seems to be absorbing my soul gradually. I hope at the end of this challenge I won't be left lifeless and empty, and that would not have deserve all the efforts I put in at the end of the day.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

Time of the year

Thursday, August 15, 2013
4:49 PM

Sooooo, it is the time of the year again. It is the first time i felt so immune about it. I never remember it is approaching until last week someone mentions it. Indeed it is the sign that I'm aging. This year is like a rollercoaster ride. I went in and out of many short-term commitments and i could not find an exact term that can properly define these type of commitments. Since last year something in me screwed up, or let's not push the blame away, I'm the screwed up one and I'd screwed up badly. Not that I regret each screw I drill. I learnt so much more about life that I didn't uncover due to my hectic schedules the last few years. I accumulated a bad name for myself which didn't bother me as much as I though it would. It is surprising that rebellious me is nested within me, but something changed over these few years are I had successfully make myself unbothered about what people think about me. I may have hurt many hearts, may have lost my conscience in this journey, but one has to agree that there isn't right or wrong in any steps you take when it comes to feelings. It is like mutual benefit contract. If one party is unable to offer the other party with acceptable terms, the other party can choose not to commit in it. Not to mention there could be a trail period, where if the contract is no longer beneficial, it can be made invalid. Or even when a contract has been enforced, either party can withdraw anytime as long as a certain reasonable notice period is served. I still do not think there is any right or wrong in life when it comes to feelings. Don't force fate and sometimes things happen without a reason. Sooooo that's a good summary of what I did before I turned 22. I become colder than who I thought I am, and more tolerance to many things, yet more intolerance to many things as well. Freedom and free-will still hold dearly to me. Choice and decision are not luxury but a necessity. Hitting the double 2 is no longer significant. Theres no need for superficial parties, wishes or celebration. What matters more is you got to know what you are heading for in life. I love you life for everything you made me go through, for everyone I met, every moment I felt emotional, and for every day that I'm alive.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

sufficient

Sunday, August 11, 2013
12:19 AM

So I do still have emotions of feeling worried, fear and uncertainty within me. Neh, I don't like this. Sleep is best now, isn't it. I don't have the hopes of waking up to hear pieces of good news, as long as they aren't bad. That's sufficient. Forgot when was the last time feelings ate into my sleep. Blah.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

Moved on

Thursday, August 8, 2013
4:22 PM

After seven months, I'm back to this restaurant. Nothing changes. Looking back it seems as though I'm the only one who had moved on. Stagnancy is really not my thing. Being in the restaurant for five years, I know I have learnt everything I need to - work, dealing with people - colleagues and customers, operations, food and its preparation, and most importantly about life. They taught me so much, exposed me to people of different backgrounds, the rich and the poor. I was once rich too, and then banished to being not very well-to-do. Whats fortunate is I never gave up in every midst of overcoming this stage of my life. It will be definitely be better one day. My belief is strong and it will always be. Ups and downs seem bearable now. Loneliness feels as though it is part of my life. I'm no longer young and perhaps loneliness is part of adulthood. I'm just 'lucky' I experienced it earlier than most people of my age. I used to talk about being independent. But few years back I'd never comprehend the true meaning of being independent. The craving of being connected or to depend on someone never left. But now, the desire has faded unconsciously. Right now in my life, I can fully concentrate on just myself. The motivation which vanished few years back seems to be ignited once again. Finally, I am alive, no longer breathing for the sake of breathing. The future seems much more hopeful now. And I know as time goes by, I will be better. Goodbye stagnancy.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

Back

Thursday, August 1, 2013
2:40 PM

It has been more than one week since I'm back from thea long getaway. With luggage unpacked, sleeping hours unadjusted, a changed Chinese accent, unsettled emotions and rapid weight loss, I know I wasn't well ready to leave my getaway location yet. But life still needs to go on, I went for a job interview one day after I'm back home, went a temporary event job that weekend, and gonna start a brand new work tml. Besides that, exercises and skipping dinner indeed made me lose a lot of weight in just one week.

My long getaway is really fulfilling. Experience I went through could probably be film as a movie. However it is really a waste that I can't really describe them in details. Not a narrative person, neither can I remember details. But I'm glad the feeling stays and it is all that mattered. Feelings come and go, if it stayed, then it must have mattered.

P/S, felt slightly more happier than a year before. I'm glad I'm still breathing, still alive.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

devil ; fly

♥ 我爱雨天
雨天我就想一个人
只有一个人我才能全心爱自己
雨天把我忘了吧

rainn
Plain bitter tea and full cream milk tea are both chosen decisions which I fancy. Im not a dreamy person who dazes every single moment. Im just someone living in my own world where fantasies are painted. I had lived in my dreams and for my dreams. Not an initiative person in socialising, waiting for someone to break through th façade is th only comfortable way out.

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不要哭泣
也不过是一年前的你
忘了一年后的我