Light, composed and freed. My heart never feels this way before. Partly because exams are really over, and I learnt a fair bit about life recently. It is indeed a journey of self-discovery. It doesn't matter who are the ones accompanying you till the last lap, or where you are at the end of the day because nothing beats the process of all these happenings.

I have never imagine the breadth and the depth of emotions I am able to feel in life, for the most unexpected, or the most trivial events. Im a plan-ahead person, and this thing about human relationships really challenge me as they are most of the time unpredictable or unexplainable.

Have you ever met people who you thought you could never be friends with, yet in the end you ended up sticking to them like honey? In Uni, I met lots of them. I wasn't a friendly person at all. I may look small, approachable and sorts but you all know Im not. However, this one and half year in Uni transforms me. I become happier, more cheerful and most surprisingly, I started taking initiative in personal relationship. I guess these are the harvests I have got from my Uni friends. I learnt the beauty of opening up myself and 'd enjoyed the feeling of reciprocal in friendship.

Of cause you can't expect every friendship or relationship to work out as it is really a complex stuff! There will sure be times you really believe you could be great friends with someone else and holding this belief, you took out your heart and soul for this potential friend, but in the end things just don't work out no matter how sincere you are. And as someone who really put in everything for people I can, this really hurts. However I tried to convince myself, if it isn't mutual, let it go. That's the only way I guess. It was painful emotionally, considered how much one put in and of cause, hurtful to my "pride"as well. It feels as though, "I put down my pride and gave you my best side, yet you don't even pause and turn to take a look at me as though everything I did for you don't even worth a second of friendship."

So I never thought I could ever feel so much for friends. In the past, I was always wary of people around me. There was always a part of me that stayed silent and I held my pride high, waiting for people to break the barrier, as though my only role in socializing is to be approached. Although right now, I didn't change much, it is still improving. I tend to take a step forward to converse with someone when I feel that he/she shows hints of interest to make friend. This helps, counting the number of friends I have in my life now, it is really heartwarming.

I have a dream last night, about me dying. It was supposed to be a scary nightmare, but I ended up feeling happy. I guess some wires in my brain is screwed up or something as Im always having weird perceptions about things. Okays back to that dream. I felt that it was a happy dream, although I died.

But who don't die? Just that it wasn't sad because I realised I have been through life and I enjoyed every moment of my memories. Seeing plenty of familiar faces in my dreams reinforced this thought. It is worthy to live through my past 21 years. No regrets.

I love my life right now. I know what I wanted, and Im willing to work for it. I know Im recovering, because Im feeling the drive in me again. It feels like Im unstoppable and totally awesome. I know I grew up a little more with every "bad" experiences I faced. Bad experiences are those who painted you into who you really are. It brings out the best in you, and allow you to face your "dark side" bravely. At least for me, it works and I appreciate them. Thank you.