Who is your dream guy?
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2:49 AM
I decided my course le!
And just submitted it.
Actually I will wan to submit tml.
but, hmmm, tml Im working!
Thus Im staying up so late now just to submit!
people say "when you got your dreams, you gotta forsake your frens"
Hmmmm Im going to my course alone!
cause I dont think I need someone to accompany my dream!
cause it's my dream!
I think no matter how tough it gonna be!
I will strive!
and I promise I will not slack th way like I do in secondary.
Issit possible!?
I think I gonna prove my decision of poly is right ahh!
and Im sick of hearing "you should go JC."
LOL. Im not clever not at all!
cause If Im, I would have top th whole level even I din study!
Okays. outta emo-ing.
Cause, Im done with my decision.
and I filled with goals! omg!
Life is important with goals! and I have mine.
Thou Im still that "idealist" .
but I needa do a reality check sometimes!
if not I will be in love with my imaginative character instead of th real life one.
Ding ding ding! awake now! and think hard and decide and go for it.
and Awwww tml Im working.
sad sad sad sad sad sad! nvm . money here I come.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
emo-ing
11:11 AM
How?
Sorry I know I should not emo.
I hate my perfectionist attitude towards result.
althou I did not put in any real effort.
But I will damn kiasu think "why a2 not a1"
4A2 1A1! how?! thou th rest all B3!
howhowhowhowhow!?
forget it!
WHERE TO GO AFTER THIS?!
I haven even make up my mind, JC/POLY.
after talking to my dad. I really how much financial he faces.
Well, If I go JC, he will spend lesser money.
But wad if I cant do well?! OMG
and cant get into uni?
Then If I choose poly how?!
What if I lost interest in wadever Im doing?
and cant get good result in the end to go uni?
walao! how?
Im stressed really.
even I go JC, I cant go good JC.
Damn Im stressed how?!
But Im happy for those who get well XD
who wont? but thanks babe for th partyworld session ytd.
Thats why I say I love my gfs.
Mum and dad, I know they wan me go JC.
but Im still thinking. thinking very hard. sorry
Love is too powerful for me to handle.
Just like th past, I will not step in to handle any love.
I dont have any ability to handle it. Im outta love.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
Im a weirdo
12:08 AM
I finally understand why am I so weird
and behaving sometimes when I dont understand!
Okays I got th damn-love-face-scare-lose character of leos.
which make me like so-damn-wan-be-laoda.
I forgive easily but, angered more easily too.
But got th moodswing-ness-mysterious-emotional of scorpio.
(cause my moon is on scorpio)
which make me damn hard to walk outta past.
and Im always hiding th inner part of myself to others.
and Hell my water fire and earth star is VIGRO! my perfectionism-pickyness-suddenseriousness
well. thats why towards frens I can be heckcare and accept everything.
but towards my "Bf" I expect so much and must be compaitable to me.
-.- and sometimes, Im despo to get my work done perfectly.
and this is why, no matter how playful am I, i will make sure my exams is alright even I dont study.
People will feel that Im a aquarius.
someone that is clever in some ways. and will do anything (even bad things) just to get things done.
and I needa admit, I did that, when I really crazy and outta mind.
Well I go horoscope again!
and this explain why Im suddenly so high cause Im a leo.
and why I dare to jio ppl sometimes, but sometimes I hide myself. who ask Im leo-vigro (in venus)
and my emo-ness and love to be alone at times. thanks to th moon, scorpio.
and that damn damn hate vigro in me! fuck why I am sometimes so perfectionist! walao.
well weirdos in me. Im always contradicting.
sometimes I so confidence cause Im a leo.
but I will den start emo-ing and started to pick on myself.
hais wad a weird combination laa
horoscope! why I so believe in you?
but its really true. thats what I feel laa.! really!
Hmmmm. people that dont love me are living better now!
and yes finally. they knew I was someone that is darn hard to understand.
thus dont love me. unless I fall inlove withyou
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
In my dreams by groove coverage
1:43 AM
Im loving living every single day
but sometimes I feel
I hope to find the little pice of mind
and I just want to know
chorus:
and who can hear those tiny broken hearts
and what are we to be
where is home on the milkyway of stars
I dry my eyes again
in my dreams i'm not so far away from home
what am I in a world so far away from home
all my life, all the time so far away from home
without you I will be so far away from home
if we could make it through the darkest night
we have a brighter day (we have a brighter day)
the world i see beond your pretty eyes makes me want to stay (you make me wanna stay)
[chorus]
and who can hear those tiny broken hearts
and what are we to be
where is home on the milkyway of stars
I dry my eyes again
in my dreams i'm not so far away from home
what am I in a world so far away from home
all my life, all the time so far away from home
without you I will be so far away from home
I called on you no matter what they say
cause love can't find it's time
I hope to be a part of you again
baby let us try
[chorus]
and who can hear those tiny broken hearts
and what are we to be (what are we to be)
where is home on the milkyway of stars (milkyway of stars)
I dry my eyes again (dry my eyes)
in my dreams i'm not so far away from home (far away from home)
what am I in a world so far away from home (far away)
all my life, all the time so far away from home (far away from home)
without you i will be so far away from home
in my dreams i'm not so far away from home
what am I in a world so far away from home
all my life, all the time so far away from home
without you I will be so far away from home
Awwwww I feeling crazy!
Hmmm there was times where I wanted to speak off my mind to someone.
Ya there's something inside me.
Maybe my gfs will recieve msgs like me "asking where they are" "or if they're online anot"
Then the next word is "I got something to tell you"
But when I meet them in real life/ online.
Well I feel so fking irritated cause I dont know what I wanna say.
Its simply so shitty.
Maybe thats better. that will be th secret within me.
Wait till one day. I know what to say. if only one day, I know what to say.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
Im jus playing, you believe.
10:38 PM
Well I admit, Im a playgirl.
but at least in all my relationship, I never treat them as playing
If someone asked, why I become a playgirl.
I will kindly answered, guys will dump you before you dump there.
why dont you just dump them first?
and for wad so serious in relationship when th outcome is nothing :s
Thats simply th reality of life.
I wan to play with relationship, but till now I dinn even played with one.
AND CANT PPL SEE IM JUS JOKING!? wtf?!
welll I have th intention to, but I will never do that.
unless we agreed in th first place that we wont put true feelings.
reason why I have this kinda thinking.
isnt because all th fking guys in th world that cause such misery?
fk guys only brings stress and trouble to me.
Well. to me, only one guy is avaliable. and only he existed.
Im jus playing, you believe?
Well. thou I look like those sorta people that will do that.
but if you believe, I will be damn dissapointed.
cause it shows that you all dont understand me well hahahhas
and thus even if you believe, I will treat you as invisible. You dont exist :x
and Im in good mood today.
Im not going to play. cause, Im nt interested anymore
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
never ending game
6:46 PM
He says I'll never reach th finishing line.
But right from th start I knew there was no ending to this.
p.s. I dunno when it started, How am I suppose to end it?
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
You're my one and only
2:30 PM
You're the only one
All I need
Is you here with me
Someone to depend on
when the rain falls down
All I know
Is the way I feel
Whenever you're around me
All the darkness turns to day
What'd you do to me?
You're the one and only
treasure in my life
A feelin' I can't hide from you
when you're the only one
You're the one and only
Pleasure in my life
A feelin' that goes on and on
When you're the only one
All my thoughts
They just run away
Move a little closer
Now we breathe as one
Take my hand
Let's fly away
To another place and time
Let the world just fade away
What'd you do to me?
You're the one and only
Treasure in my life
A feelin' I can't hide from you
When you're the only one
You're the one and only
Pleasure in my life
A feelin' that goes on and on
When you're the only one
What'd you do to me?
You made me feel so alive
A feeling deep inside
What'd you do to me?
You're the one and only
Treasure in my life
A feelin' I can't hide from you
when you're the only one
You're the one and only
Pleasure in my life
A feelin' that goes on and on
You're the only one
"See only Audition have such nice songs"
Audition-you.
hahhash I saw marcus again.
I like th way hazel describe him in her blog.
Yes he's more gentle. The way he speak, the things he do.
yah. and he call me cause I was away in msn for audition.
and th way he ask me. Awwww so gentle. hahhas xD
and here my phone show "Marcus calling" wah th feeling! and I like it.
Sorry! I dont mean to eat so so so little today!
Hazel I promise I eat like hell with you till I die next time!
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
Im not clever
2:27 PM
Ytd was alright! we went poly-s open house!
anyway. I decided my first 3 options.
Lols actually I decided them long ago!
Hmmmm jus that Im more assured.
Well but still cant help feeling stress!
Alright! people all think Im clever! hahas okays I admit I am.
But only in studies.
But so what I score in exams?!
Because I know Im not really clever in life.
I think slower than others and think things stupid-ier than people.
And this time, exams, I dont think I will score.
thus, sorry I gotta admit, Im not clever.
and those scholarships I get for th last 10 years is jus tyco-ness.
Emotionally, Im stupid as well.
cause I dont know how handle things well.
And I cant sort out wads reality and wads a dream.
Thus I always jus believe everything in my mind and assured that its reality.
Well when everything came out to be a dream,
my hopes are gone.
Life? its jus liddat.
During my work as a promoter,
I knew alot of frens. Well, but only 3 of them became good frens.
Its all fate? yes it must be.
Of some many people there.
I get along well with all, but only 3 make me feel that we are more than getting along well.
Its more to trust.
A virgo, capricon and cancer.
sorry, but I still believe in horoscope.
Stella is a virgo, I like her frankness.
She is someone that is dare to love dare to hate.
and I like it. thou she was 21years old.
Well, she dont treat me like a xiaomeimei too.
thou she always say I look like a 14year old kiddo.
Cassandra was a capricon.
And her chinese name was Yixin. hahas funny?
yes. and I told her my best fren has th same name as her.
She is somehow like me, her character. I mean her inner character.
She got her own depression which she dont allow people to get intouch with it.
Thou she lives normally, but deep inside there's heavy within her.
and she knows I feel th same way also.
ahahas and we went shopping tgt XD
YanQing was a cancer.
Well, she was damn frank.
but her frankness was different from stella.
she will just say bout you, "your weakness" infront of you.
hahas thats something I like bout her, which remind me of yixin. lol
Well. actually, I know her on my last day of work.
and it was her last day of work also.
and she smsed me ytd.
YanQing : I know some fit fit guys from dragonboat cca de. You wan know them? I intro to you laa. (Well she knows I like fit and tall guys)
Sem : hahahs no need laa! Guys ma I jus see see only, hahas no intention to be with them.
YanQing : Really ma? I thot that time you see that fit fit guy see till very high hehehe.
Sem : ya laa! hahas but see see happy only ma. To me guys are like vase, see can le but cannot touch them. No need be with them.
YanQing : Why VASE? vase can be use de! Vase cant use for display only ma. Why you still feel hate towards guys? Just because of that cancer guy case ma.
Sem : Been discovered le .
YanQing : You should try to love others ma! I help you find one good good guy okays! Dont spoil your future!
Lols. see she is cute right?
althou she is from ITE. but actually, her character ahh, I like.
Just know her for a day, she seen through me.
What a cancer.
Actually wad she say beens on my mind for th whole of yesterday.
Of cause I reject her for help me find a good guy! hahahs
Cause, even thou I like/love someone. I will not be with them anymore.
Yah, relationship to me is still a taboo.
I forget how to love someone.
Thus, seriously. when tgt with gz, I found out, I really forget how to love someone. Just that I do not wan to admit.
I forget how to commit in a relationship.
I forget how to treat someone with my whole heart.
Cause, since that day, "cancer guy" entered, and he left, Is something like he took away something outta me.
Something that is lost within me.
Something that could never being found back again.
Im not clever enough. Im not clever to find the lost part back.
And towards every guys, including gz, I have a barrier against them.
A barrier which I dont let them know.
I will not put in 100% heart in them cause I forget how to.
There is something which tell me, "they will leave you one day, you must not put in everything for them"
This is a very selfish act. Thus I wil not go into relationship anymore.
Unless I know, I will put in everything for th person.
Unless, th relationship is defined as a game.
And there's no need for love inside.
We are just using each other. Well this kinda relationship I dont mind.
Cause I know its just playing. theres no need for feelings.
and even when things ended. no one will get hurt.
I actually dont hate guys.
Is just saying that I hate guys will prevent them from coming to me.
And th more they come to me, the stronger is th message "I hate guys".
If they insist of coming to me, th message will become the truth.
I will start to really hate th guy.
Well, actually I got someone I like now.
What a strong crush. which last me for so long so long.
Actually, th first day I see him, th feeling is already there.
Just that I dont wanna admit defeat. to be defeat by a guy.
But so many months pass. I still do not gain victory.
Cause th feeling cant be erased.
they only get stronger and stronger every moment I see him.
Till now I only say he is just a crush and I told everyone one day th feeling will fade. cause its just a crush.
But now, I dunno how long already which I already forget.
it never fade, I still hope it fade.
Cause I will never be with him.
Cause relationship is a taboo.
No matter how strong is the feeling, I will never woo him or be with him.
Im not clever (emotionally) enough to tell him or be with him.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
wad a cycle
12:51 AM
Im feeling weird somehow, awww th feeling hmmm indescribeable.
thus I went blogging . . .
Actually at times, I will not understand why I think in a particular way a period ago.
Well, th feeling is weird.
I think one thing affect another.
and th second thing affect it again.
and without realising, th third thing affect and bring everything back to square one.
well its like a cycle.
A cycle you din realise.
Its like life? and moodswing. or like th moon cycle.
Its like. Im born and have frens and see a guy and like him and tgt with him and break up and get sad and emo and angry with him and continue living and forget him and back with frens and you din realise you see another guy and like him and so on. . . wtf?
wad a cycle.
and during different period of the cycle I have different thinking.
I guess this explain why I dont understand why I thinking weirdly and differently all th time.
Now, I really have no intention of finding angmoh bf!
lol! or maybe, no other guy interest me anymore le! cries!
actually Im not scared of guys interest me.
Im jus scare to get into cycles.
I dont wan get sad and emo again. x.x
Im scared. damn scared. but I cant help it.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
spark
2:37 AM
There's no spark between us,
but there's fire within me.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
only problems.
12:32 AM
那深爱过他却受伤的心 丰富了人生的记忆 Hahahs I realise my life is filled with experience.
Hmmm but there's alot more for me to go!
Cause new things awaiting me xD
I knew Im contradicting.
But people that know me well will understand wad I mean.
When I say I love a particular thing most at th same time
I say I hate th particular thing most,
it means I love th thing to a certain standard! . . .
I love it but till a limit, I will stop cause I will hate it.
hahas think no one will understand cause no one is me.
Thus I wont care wad they think also laa.
Im online cause Im chatting with cerlyn.
at first I sms her. but I know she busying chatting on msn thus I onlined.
LOL! but she is brb! I know she is busy with her homework.
Sec4 hahas I know they are busy.
Thus I will not will not will not disturb their life or do anything silly.
This week whole week not working.
hahas THUS IM SLACKING AT HOME!
i swear I will not will not will not go out anymore!
will not go out till THE MARCH HOLIDAY STARTS!
unless is th library, open houses, riverside sec, job.
If not I will stay at home home home home home!
I dont wan go out anymore.
Unless marcus ask me out, I will consider it seriously.
and the real fun start only after MARCH HOLIDAYS.
I knew it. cause I will spend them with my gfs.
Okays we promised to play th whole chunk ahh xD
I felt weird. somehow contradicting feelings.
Well past few months, no matter how contradicting words I say, what contradicting actions I do, I din feel contradicting feelings.
But I felt it now. luckily I know how to handle.
I will compress everything. wait till 20months more.
Wait till I feel matured enough.
I bou a teeshirt recently.
slogan tee.
IM SINGLE AND AVALIABLE. but terms and conditions apply.
Hahahs terms and conditions to be my bf,
OKays thats very easy
1. I dont need to love/like my bf as long as I dont hate him. (cause I hate guys!)
2. NO FIRE SIGN OR EARTH SIGN HOROSCOPE! . cause I dont get along with them as bfs. and dont ask why cause I knew it myself.
3. MUST LOVE MY BABY AND NONO.
4. BE my 24hour maid.
5. Never suan me or despise me, or you'll get it.
6. Must look man enough. no gays/skinny/fatties/ugly-ies.
7. Respect the rule that Im always right.
Well thats very lenient already. cause 1. you need not make me fall in love with you.
Cause th person i like need not be my bf.
and my bf need not be th person I like.
Thats very silly cause. bf to me now, is meaningless.
as long as he is not troublesome and make me stress at th same time benefit me, well why not?
But I hate guys. so no bfs.
cause all guys are troublesome and make me stressed.
They do not bring any benefit at all.
only problems.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
satisfy?
12:58 PM
Am I satisfy?
Yes I am!
My life now was alright.
I see no reason of going out so often.
Even since th holidays, I only went out with xin hazel and jianing.
If not they are chalets, job interviews and bdaes celebration.
All th other time I was slacking at home.
This kinda lifestyle I enjoyed it and NEVER intend to change it.
But however, No matter how many effort I tried to stay at home,
My daddy will always say I keep going out.
Well, now my hp was with him for th whole night ytd and dunno till how long.
WHOEVER SHITTER DARE SMS RUBBISH to my phone to my dad,
WELL I WILL KILL YOU SMASH YOU AND BURN YOU.
and say 100times fuck you to you.
But seriously, I hate going out.
Thus I never really go out with people except my gfs this holiday
and FUCK even Marcus ask me out I also reject!
so, LOL but this is not because of Marcus.
this is to show, I really hate going out.
cause I know it will very dammit fking troublesome!
I dont wan cause any troubles with my dad.
Well, he asked me to quit my job now. Hell
Hmmm actually I dont mind. but how to answer to my boss?
I haven even start work now I have to quit.
Well, I resigned to fate.
However. This is not th stress-est thing now.
But something funny is, My dad will always pick th period
where Im happiest/stress-est and pick on me.
LOL. nvm, this is fate.
I wont rebutt him.
Cause Im satisfied with my life.
frenship. I dont need others. maybe Hazel Yixin and Jianing is enough.
The others, is a very special bonus to me.
and love, I dont need love, thus no need talk about it.
My family. thou I always say I hate my dad all this.
But seriously I love him.
My family was happy. this quarrels are jus part of life.
I knew it.
and myself. I knew it, Im jus myself. and I believe in tomorrow.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天
I gotta go my own way
4:48 PM
Well first time in life, I have planned my future.
Regardless of primary, secondary, cca, or wadever,
My family decided everything for me.
But this time is different.
I will decide myself.
Even if they object or blahh blahh blahh.
Its my choice, whether JC/POLY.
thus, STOP ASKING ME TO GO JC.
Im stressed. damn stressed.
Thanks to all stupid exam dreams and getting 300plus for L1R5
and choosing the dammit schools and courses.
well, its kinda stupid.
I feel stressed right after o's ended.
Last day of O's. biology paper, I wna give up.
Cause of that stupid dream that killed my cells.
I fevered for th whole night and din sleep even a wink.
Stress dreams. that what I call.
Thou I slack thru-out O's, but th real thing came right after it end.
Well I hope faster get th result thus I can stop hearing ppl so-call-advices to choose my school.
Oh come'on I will decide my life.
Maybe, this is part of freedom.
Being trapped only make me cry.
I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天