I was out today, spending my time with my girls to prevent my life from getting dull. It caught me thinking about life again. It's contagious especially while hanging out with people of our age. Did I mention we are not here not there, yet we need to start making decisions about our own life before it fades away? One wrong step, and it's hard to turn back time. Our future, What would it be? Would it turn out to be what we imagine? Or is your imagination what you really want?

My social circle makes up of people older than me. I'd seen their transition, learnt from them. But when things surfaced on me, all those lesson doesnt help at all. Everyone is an unique individual, we meet, create and define our own experience. Life gives you the authority to walk your way. Although there may be restrictions, limitations given by others, or created by environment, you still have the choice to decide your path. Is it a good thing or a bad one? Im confused by life. As I age, I dont feel more knowledgeable. There may be more thing I know, but at the same time, I discovered more things that are unknown to me. What should I do? Why should I go? What is life? Do I love to party? Am I wild? Will I be a danger or a threat? Who am I?

We are all fighting our fears, our imagination, our dreams. Because we have to balance ourselves with reality. Once we dont balance the realm, we either wasted ourselves or get dull and move on without any sparks. That is why I feel the best feeling ever is when I was in the realm between dreaming and waking up. Every morning, before I open my eyes and set my day, that's the best moment I ever feel. Because I was in my semi-conscious state, where I could dream, and control my dream. I dream of little things of life, some part of the dreams are memories, some part of the dreams are imagination where I hope it will happen. Whatever they are, they make me happy.

I count down. Money money and money. We talk about how great would that be being rich. We talk about enjoying life, take things as it is. Hahaha, I dont know anymore. We feel loved, and dejected at the same time. Because our heart holds all our love together whereas the reality is rejecting our existence. How could we survive in a world full of haze and gloom? It is blurred and terrifying.