Turn brief moments into perpetualty;

hello!

threlaxed.blogspot.com

I turn off the time to wake up before the alarm clock ressounds
I don't know why but I can already remember you
I wonder if, before I know it, I'll forget even the miracle of being able to meet you for one hundred minutes
Will I end up forgetting even that I've forgotten?

Heavenly days, in the room in the pocket of my heart
I look for your vanished warmth
Even if there's no way to feel you ever again, ah
I'm locking up those days that are still a bit warm

Tired of walking, I sat down and was at a loss, if you were with me
We could have talked about something like our unbearable dream's fate
I couldn't say it by the ticket barrier, I wanted to say
that I feel "Thank you" are maybe words much sadder than "goodbye"

Heavenly days, I wonder if I could smile properly
At the scene of our last kiss, I couldn't even grasp your shivering hands, not even my tears fell, ah
Now that it's too late, they overflow when I'm alone

Heavenly days, in the room in the pocket of my heart
I look for your vanished warmth
Even if there's no way to feel you ever again, ah
Even if I stretch out my hands, you're not here anymore
I'll walk on under a new light

It's love.
Friday, July 30, 2010
12:20 AM

Realised I haven been blogging much. This place (& all others) needs some updates soon. It had been great. I was down with projects (filimg & editing), Housoon's birthday celebration & massive TV spamming! I enjoyed all of them. EIR project was fun, because I was with Hian Denise Yanying and Jiawen. I realised everyone has best friends but I dont. Much of a loner & I dont mind being one. Social circle & popularity may be viewed as important to many but that many certainly doesnt include me. Popularity wasnt much of a concern in life. I lead a peaceful life that revolves around my family. I dont need many friends. I was contented with only a few, too much was a trouble, a hassle, a chore. Given a choice, I rather turn back time to younger when friends werent much of a consideration. Tang Xin Feng Bao, a drama that I really enjoyed. It depicts too much that I felt so strongly attached to it. Sometimes too much isnt good. I dont like to feel because I feel too much. Perhaps my selective sensitivity is th culprit. I feel selected stuffs. and those selected stuffs are unfortunately stuffs that are bad in nature. If I am someone who had special power. I think I will be th one who can feel. Once I got too attached, I can re-experience th past. I can feel th sincerity, th heart. I can see who elses is inside him. That was scary. Anyway, my health is getting really bad recently. I sometimes wonder if it's me who spins. Seriously, things around me do spin. But great, I dint touch cigarettes for very long alrdy. It had been more than 2 weeks. I know cigarettes wasnt th reason behind all my health problems. I told you I was very good in feeling, and this time, I can feel there was something bothering me physically. There are many symptons alrdy but I chose to ignore all of them, rationalising with many excuses. Enough of all this. Let this loner tell you a story, again her love story. Love wasnt something she was good in, but certainly, it wasnt something she was bad in either. Because when she loved, she only has eyes for one. And because of that, she never let her heart rest in peace. Troubled by little thoughts that she feel it vividly. She is learning not to trust her feelings but everytime her feelings were proved right and this further made her feel unconfortable. Anyway, th love story idea failed. I realised I dont have much to type until I had start typing. My birthday was approaching. Few weeks more to be exact. I dont want a celebration. I just want some peace. P.E.A.C.E. a day without any quarrels, a day that I can feel free to feel what I want to feel. Sad means sad, happy means happy. I can take all my time to think of all of them, and solve them whenever I like. Im quite tired of living, tired of facing th music. Although I mentioned one must always be responsible for his/her actions. But perhaps Im not cut for this at all. Feel like giving up, but something's stopping me. It's love.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

so much for

Sunday, July 25, 2010
2:29 AM

In an unheared place, which I never seen before, never experience before, with people I dont know about, things I never did before. Im given full channels to imagine. So, this is Wow? this is Cool? So much for.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

22 July 2010

Saturday, July 24, 2010
9:53 PM

As usual I’m on th train. Today's slightly different, because im earlier than usual. it's only 7.05 and im alrdy at kranji. There's nothing to be proud of becos i need to meet at 7:30 and im late alrdy hahaha. I guess it has been a habit to blog on th train before i embarked my everyday. Im wearing white oversized formal top and a grey shorts. Look ah beng and very butch? Yea i want something like that. I wonder why lesbian doesnt fall in love with me. Perhaps i dont look like someone that needs protection, someone that needs all th concern, do i? That’s so superficial. Haha. But i dont need a lesbian now. Becos i have a gigantic boyfriend that knows how to care for me without hurting my pride. Yea pride, i guess thats th main reason why people find it difficult to connect to me. Next reason is definitely becos they think im weird. Im not weird~ perhaps at times laa. But whatever is it, im glad that those around me now accept me as who i am. They dont force me to change neither dint they get disgusted by my weirdness. Im not weird i swear, im who i am becos i care in a different way. Care. My boyfriend was cool. Today's presentation was just imitating his fierceness. I will do what i can remember about him and just act it out again. Lol! Hmmm kinda miss him. I like taking train at times. Becos it makes me reflect. And th image that keeps coming up into my brain, i know th image is th one that i attached to most. Sighs. Sleep well sleep tight giant.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

i miss us

Thursday, July 22, 2010
12:55 AM

I was asked by many. Can I tolerate you (your temper)? Can I see a future with you? And sorts of doubting question. Everytime I was probed, my stand get more stable & and my answer gets more convincing. Today, it was something different. Not refering to th questions nor th answers, but refering to th person who asked it. My dad. He finally asked about you. I was joyous, jubilant, splendid, whatever description you can find. I feel like telling you right away, but I dint. It wasnt th right mood to disclose this. Although what my dad said doesnt depict any positive signs but still it's still bring this- our relationship to something higher. Level up. :D

Darling, darling. You are outside now, and here am I, cant sleep, cant do projects, cant study. Sighs. All I did for th past hour is to take a pencil and sketch us out. I miss us.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

imagination runs wild

Monday, July 19, 2010
9:03 AM

In th midst of th crowded train, i stand alone at th corner of th doors, placing my bag in front of me, indicating that that's my personal space. Within my little personal space. i let my imagination ran wild. and for every imagination I'd, i include you in. I thought of th past, thought of every relationship, thought of why I dint meet someone like you, thought of why would I commit myself into many relationships previously. Things changed, I'd changed. My mindset isnt like th past anymore. I dont see all my pasts as something precious. They are perishable. and once they expire, they disappear. Bitz and Pieces will remain but all I remember are blurred visions. I thought if th past will repeat itself again. Thought of what all say when th relationship ended in despair. Words just ring in my head. "I will change, I will think of th future, focus of something serious." All these words are a commonthing that I can predict what will happen next. In th next few days, determination lay strong. But just in weeks time, everything will revert back to what it used to be like. Terence is right. Never trust a guy when he says he will change. Never trust a girl when she says she will not change. Will you change? Will you not change? I dont know. What I holding on tightly now is th present. And you are my present. Next I think of my present. What I have now and what Im lacking now. I have Nono. I imagine Nono next to me, I imagine bringing her out with you. I imagine myself in a place with no malays, no cats. I can set Nono free. I can let her run wild. I can see her popping happily with you beside me. Browsing through my mind for places I can bring Nono to, literally a few. Singapore is such a pathetic place. Next, I think of my future. I dont dare to place high hopes on it anymore. I dont dare to build my confidence on it while you dont have one. I realised everything used to be so one sided, now I wont like it happen again. i want something mutual, a goal both will acknowledge together and will put in their heart and work towards it. I dont want something vague. I wna see th returns. It's like business. There's short term returns and long term returns. and a firm cant survive base on solely one. They need both. If there's no short term returns, what make you think that you can perservre till you yield your long term profits. If you dont have long term returns, th short term profit you gained will eventually turn into a loss. Relationship work that way. You need both. Thats what I believe in. and th only thing you can do to make this come true is to have consistency. Once that fails, there will leave a gap between short term and long term. Everything would be tarnished.

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

ramblings

Sunday, July 18, 2010
11:36 PM

Ramble ramble. Lion roars. As I walked past th streets of orchard, here came DKNY boutique in sight. Summer sales there it state, at its clear window pane, flashing apparels with elegant & beautiful style, topped with models standing at a great height. They were way above my sight, and if I were to imagine those elegant apparel on me, they would basically look like a hanging piece on cloth on a hanger stand. That's just how mismatch I will be. I wonder why I stop growing ever since secondary three. 154, a really pathetic height that my boyfriend cant even remember. Ong Lu Qin Semantha, a really pathetic name that doesnt have any significance unless you sip your brain into thinking. A rhythmical melody thats how my name came about. And at the every extreme end, it means a justifiable fushion. Recently, I live my everyday wondering, what will it be if I were to give my existence a meaning. But ever since im borne, everyday was a meaning in my life. Meaning: People do things for a meaning. Whats your meaning for being with me? Im here with you, not because I crave for a relationship, not also because I crave for a companion. Im here with you because I wna be with you. I enjoy every moment we were in a single shared pace. Sharing is wonderful, similar to trusting. It's a bliss to trust everyone you know as you would feel safe always, freed from th fear of lies. However it's pathetic when th only one you cant trust is yourself. It's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust. My heart, My heart never stop beating a single day. Vibrant smiles, endless energy, active disposition, bright eyes, thats often how I were describe. Once in a while people call me pretty. As beauty lies in the eyes of th beholder, Im really gratitude tbat finally someone appreciates me. Even if it's just a stranger. One day, I will find someone that truly appreciate my looks, my thoughts, my actions. I still believe. I believe in many things. I hold on to many hopes in my life. Even if one of them snapped, Im still able to go on swiftly. However, when all snapped at one go, I guess, my vibrant smiles, endless energy, active disposition, bright eyes, whatever I were describe would go to a null. I wish i were someone special. You never know how much I hope th only person that appreciate my everything is you. Why wont you....

I breathe from my memories & run wherever my legs would bring me ♥
雨天

devil ; fly

♥ 我爱雨天
雨天我就想一个人
只有一个人我才能全心爱自己
雨天把我忘了吧

rainn
Plain bitter tea and full cream milk tea are both chosen decisions which I fancy. Im not a dreamy person who dazes every single moment. Im just someone living in my own world where fantasies are painted. I had lived in my dreams and for my dreams. Not an initiative person in socialising, waiting for someone to break through th façade is th only comfortable way out.

favourites
.paranoia` .tabulas`. msn/email
.facebook`.friendster`.tagged

不要哭泣
也不过是一年前的你
忘了一年后的我